There’s nothing more magical than the moment in your 12-week scan when you first get to see your baby. Sadly that moment was ruined for Hannah because of the sheer amount of “overlying bowel gas” that was “restricting the view” (as is now officially recorded in her medical notes forevermore). Between bubbles of trapped wind, she caught the odd glimpse of the baby, which seemed very, very angry. The sonographer commented that this amount of furious limb-flailing was “not typical” (also now in the notes). Fi’s looked a-ok, and she had a clear view, but she wanted more...she wanted specific reassurance that her 5.4cm-long foetus was in some way exceptional...perhaps, the best they’d ever seen? Sadly, this was something the medical professionals could not give her. So we both left frustrated, but at least Fi had a picture she could actually show to people.
Our Mums, who have seen our friendship grow through sixth form, university, drama school and the years of working together since (did somebody say ‘codependence’?) had curious reactions to the unbelievable news that we are due within three days of each other. Hannah’s Mum, ever practical, never emotional, focused on the convenience rather than the magic and said “that’s perfect” (co-ordinated maternity leave! Joint childcare! Someone to moan at who isn’t your mother!) Fi’s Mum rolled her eyes and said “oh, you two”, as if we were still teenagers and had drunk one too many Malibu & Cokes and missed the last train home.
Our agent was another sobering female influence amidst the excitement. When we called to tell her we wouldn’t be able to do Edinburgh this year (unless we want to risk birthing our firstborns on stage), she said “I wondered when you were both going to get on with it. I was thinking the other day about how old you are”. When we assured her we’d be ready to carry on touring and hit Edinburgh hard in 2018, she made a kind of howling sound and said, “For God’s sake, don’t make your sketches all about babies now - nobody’s interested!”
While no one is interested in babies, lots of people have been interested in the mechanics of our dual conception. Did we plan it? Were we together when it happened? Was it witchcraft?
The answer is no, no, and absolutely yes.